Losing a child is the worst pain a parent can possibly feel and those who have suffered through it are in a club of their own that no one wants to be a part of. It takes strength and resilience to move through such a heartbreaking experience and even talking about it can be excruciating — especially when the feedback is devoid of any empathy.
A woman who goes by @angelkiss77 on TikTok decided to share the letter her transgender son, Kai, wrote after deciding to take his own life. In the video entitled “Kai’s last words to me,” she started by saying, “For those who like to dehumanize transgender youth like my son, I want to share a little bit of his last words to me.”
The letter started with her son Kai writing, ‘Dear Mom and Dad, I’m sorry for what I’m about to do soon after I finish this letter.’
It goes on to say that the young man didn’t feel he was really “living” but simply “surviving.” He assured his parents that his suicide was not their fault but could be attributed to his belief that he did not fit into society. Kai told them that it would be “hard to find” parents as good as they were to him.
He said he was not strong enough to go on and that taking it one day at a time was not enough for him, but he hoped it would be for his mother and father as they grieved and processed his loss. Kai expressed his gratitude for all his parents had given him and said he regretted not making more out of his life and putting them through so much.
“A celebration of my life also includes making sure you don’t go through this alone because even at my worst moments, I wasn’t. Stay off of Facebook if it means people will try to blame you for letting me be me as the reason for me killing myself,” he advised his mom and dad as he ended the letter.
Kai sadly accurately anticipated people’s cruelty and as predicted, one person posted an especially mean comment.
A woman named “Beth” said, “Don’t blame people because your son couldn’t accept his birth gender. Maybe you should have got him mental health counseling. He was weak.” That prompted Kai’s mother to address the comment directly.
According to her, Beth’s comment was no different than others she received about her son. Instead of deleting it and moving forward, she thought it was important to respond and clear up some misconceptions the viewer had about the situation.
She accused the commenter of not thinking before they posted, and parroting what others say. “This illustrates the point that you have to have some sort of mental health issue going on to seek out people that are suffering and try to hurt them,” the mourning mother said. She told the woman that her words couldn’t hurt because the worse thing that could happen to her already had when she lost Kai.
Gender-affirming care requires extensive mental health counseling.
The grieving mother responded to the suggestion that Kai did not have any mental health counseling related to his gender. As she pointed out, a little bit of research would have told the trolling commenter that mental health counseling is part of the gender-affirming process.
In order to start gender-affirming hormone treatments, one must have a history of persistent well-documented gender dysphoria (a condition of feeling one’s emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one’s biological sex) diagnosed by a mental health professional well versed in the field and have the capacity to make a fully informed decision and to consent for treatment.
She believes that the hate directed at her online is the result of people listening to problematic politicians without using any critical thinking skills. “They go for those that they know are so ignorant and hateful that they will believe anything and are very easily manipulated.”
LGBTQ youths are at a higher risk of suicide and are more likely to be bullied than cisgender straight youth.
According to the CDC, LGBTQ youth are more likely than straight, cisgender youth to be bullied, so Kai’s mother is not unjustly accusing anyone of dehumanizing him. This puts them at greater risk for violence, victimization, and suicide.
“The data shows that 43% of transgender youth have been bullied on school property. 29% of transgender youth, 21% of gay and lesbian youth and 22% of bisexual youth have attempted suicide. We’ve seen consistently that LGBTQ youth face greater health disparities than their cisgender straight peers.”
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Everyone has their own set of beliefs, and yours do not supersede the perspectives of others.
What happened to keeping your mouth shut if you have nothing nice to say? It took courage for this woman to share her child’s story. No parent should ever have to bury their child. The least the rest of us can do is to offer love, support, and kind words, no matter what our own beliefs are.
If that’s not something you are capable of, it costs you nothing to mind your business and keep scrolling. Rest in eternal peace and love, Kai.
If you or someone you know is having trouble coping with life or are having suicidal thoughts, reach out to 988 Suicide & Crisis Hotline.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle, relationship, and human-interest stories that readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion
This article originally appeared on YourTango
Published: 2023-06-19 07:15:00